I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize