my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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