Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
