GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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