were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
