If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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