well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
