It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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