I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
