he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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