she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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