He uses pillows to masturbate.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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