Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
