Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
