things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
