12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
