I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
