so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
being pregnant is like rehab
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
