Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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