I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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