is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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