Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
