I think scott just propositioned me for sex
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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