I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
