I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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