My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I lost the right to judge tonight
I need to calm my uterus...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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