About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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