just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize