if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
