Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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