Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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