what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
