I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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