Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
