I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
