The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize