I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
