bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
