He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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