Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
