i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
