Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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