you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
