I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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