better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
