Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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