Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She announced her abortion via fbk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
