We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
