i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize