ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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