New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
