When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bring me that man meat
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
