I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
