dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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