I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
