I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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