Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize