Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
