If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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