That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
