I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Small penises have feelings too.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
