i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
