I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
